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He is a beast, yes a two-legged beast, walking around with a facade of that of a young and cool guy. The beast is…sorry was my husband. He was the best guy I ever met, caring, romantic, a great helper, and a loving boyfriend but… Things changed when we got married, then I got to meet the real personality behind the facade he was showing off. He became violent, abusive, and every character of a beast you can think of…

Yes, I was battered, raped, and abused by a man that claim to love me.                 

                                                                                                                       – Anonymous

In this article, I will be sharing with us the problem of domestic violence and the possible solutions for it. We all hear about Domestic Violence every time in our society. The rate at which it is even moving higher, in every society, there is at least a daily record of Domestic Violence being reported. Now let’s examine what domestic violence means. The United Nations defined Domestic Violence also known as “domestic abuse” or “intimate partner violence” as a pattern of behavior in any relationship that is used to gain or maintain power and control over an intimate partner. In our society, today domestic violence is now a problem that we face every day and it is now looking like a norm. Tuning through the radio or scrolling through the newsfeed on social media platforms we come across different stories of how people are being abused both males and females. Domestic Violence is not only physical abuse, it can be emotional, verbal, mental, or psychological abuse. In today’s world, victims of domestic violence are no longer limited to the female gender. Domestic Violence is not limited to gender, age, or even status. There is male gender who is being abused, though the male gender might not come out openly to talk about their abuse the way the female gender will do because of the fear of being blamed, called weak, or having their masculinity questioned.

The societal pressure for men to be “manly” has also added to the problem of domestic violence. Society has created a picture where men should be in control and dominate, they are always seen as the “head” so they don’t want to see a female in control or as their helping mate. Now, the female gender is not accepting the system where the male gender should always be in control or dominate them and this is leading to the problem we are facing in our society (domestic violence). The female gender doesn’t want the male gender to rule over them and then some male gender believes they and their decision should always dominate. The family also adds to the cause of domestic violence, we see parents being violent in the presence of their children, fighting and exchanging verbal abuses. What type of human do you expect such a child should grow up to be? The picture will forever stick to their memory no matter their age and then they grow up to become the examples of family life their parent have portrayed to them. Bad parenting is another cause, we see parent training their male child to always be in control and never allow the female gender to rule over them, and then they train their female child to always be submissive and do whatever their husband wants even if it against what the female child wants. This is why we see some females in abusive marriages but will never leave such marriages and run for their safety because they have been trained and groomed to always please their husbands and not even consider their pain. Friends and the type of association we keep are also another cause of domestic violence. The friends we keep also help to influence our actions, if you keep a friend that is in support of abusing or dominating people then you might grow to become someone like that.

Let’s look at the solution to domestic violence and how it can be prevented:

  • Parents are to instill good values into their children and control what they see and read. They should also serve as a good example to their children.
  • We should be careful of who we choose as our friends because they also help to influence our actions and attitude.
  • Know the signs and never ignore the signs of domestic violence in a partner.
  • Do not stigmatize people that have been through domestic violence, rather be there for them and show them, love.

In conclusion, domestic violence should not be supported and any sign of it should be reported, though there is no law specifically enacted against domestic violence in Nigeria there is an act that helps to protect from various types of violence, The Violence Against Persons (Prohibition) Act (VAPP). There are no limitations to Domestic Violence, it can happen to any gender, age, or status.

Author’s Name: Onabule Timilehin (Olabisi Onabanjo University, Nigeria)

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